My Mistake

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My Mistake
Episode 5.

I love her or should I say I was obsessed with her?? No that's not the right words. I just loved being with her but trust me, I know infatuation was really at work too but thank God it was controlled. I don't even know what to call it. I just know there's a push you know. If you can relate then you can relate. Let's ride on.
There's been this trend i hear among the female folks that men are beast, Heartbreakers, wicked, bad, and many more. Sometimes I wonder if they have proof. In my own opinion I guess it's a clitche that has lost it's value. Whatever you termed a man, he is still God's creation. Those words have always hit me and I decided to decide how I'll go.
For crying out loud, I've vowed not to be like that man women have painted "men are the same". Though I was a boy but I wanted mine to be different so I won't do anything rash (I guess it was God using that to save me).

 How can I free myself from this hook now??? The more I thought about it, something else happened. 
I've been made a prayer leader in the fellowship. Come on. They told me "God chosed me". Are these guys seeing at all? How did God chosed an unworthy boy to lead the prayer emblems when I know I'm filthy and unworthy? I rejected and they affirmed God told them. I was shocked. For the first time, I thought God must not have been seeing my misdeeds but yet, my conscience was still pulling me. I know perfectly well I wasn't living up the expectation. That was how I became an exco. No one could talk becos it seems I was truly the expert. It's all my fault please. Don't blame her. I was leading her on you know. 
All this went on and I cried to God one night. Lord this is not what you want in me. You desire more than this from me. My mum prayed alot, my siblings were born again. They were in the choir already. How can I become the black sheep of the family??? No I won't take that. I prayed. Perhaps I cried. I just wanted freedom. After the prayers I just hoped God did heard me. I just hoped he heard. I just hoped my sins had not turned to a brick wall and refused it from acending. I have not gathered enough courage to tell her I want a quit. How will she feel?? That I used and dumped her??? No I can't. I've not gone beyond hugging her. There were no kisses, no all those things. I've not done that. I was afraid of them from the beginning (Again I felt God was the one helping 
me).

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